Samen delen across the fence

Reaching out across the fence is a matter of friendliness.
| Photo Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Recently, I stayed at my daughter’s house in the Netherlands for a month. On the first day, I noticed that her neighbour, a Dutchman, was working in his garden for several hours. On the subsequent days, he was active on other chores as well, like cleaning the glass windows, walking his two dogs, doing carpentry and so on. I wanted to compliment him but two thoughts deterred me: first, I recalled what a few friends in India had cautioned me about the Dutch — they may say ‘Hi’ and smile, but nothing beyond that. Second, most of them are not conversant in English. Nevertheless, I managed to convey my appreciation about his hard work in halting English and sign language. He smiled but I was not sure if he understood.

The following week, I noticed him standing precariously on an unusually tall ladder to reach and clean windows on the first floor. Again, with the communication technique utilised earlier, I advised him that he could use a cleaning brush with a long handle so he can avoid using that unsafe ladder. He just nodded and I was again unsure if he grasped what I conveyed. Later, when I shared the above incident with my daughter, she cautioned me that the Dutch value their privacy and also don’t like unsolicited advice.

But the next day, when I came face to face with him while he was walking his dogs, he smiled and said loudly, “Hi.” The dogs, taking the cue, wagged their tails.

The next day, when he was busy doing carpentry, I managed to share my appreciation about his hard work. He grinned and remarked, “I work outside. My wife inside.” “It is samen delen.” My daughter said it means sharing, and from childhood, the Dutch are taught this value.

The day before I was to return to India, I thought of offering him a gift. But I recalled another piece of advice: no one can visit a Dutchman’s home without appointment. Yet, I decided to take that risk. I took a gift, went to his home and pressed the calling bell. I was nervous. He opened the door and stood towering over me. I said ‘Hi’. He signalled me to come in. I entered, told him that I am leaving for India and wished to give him a gift. To my surprise, he joked, “Gift for me or my wife.” I was relieved once again. Quickly collecting my wits, I said, “samen delen.” By then, his wife joined us and had a good laugh. His wife quipped: “We are Dutch. And we are touched.”

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